I was absent from blogging for 3 days. Although there should be a blog post 2 days ago, but I have decided not to publish it.

Schizophrenia made it hard to organise thoughts which leads to a chaotic life. I will repay my debt of 3 posts within today and tomorrow. I should at least write 200+ words per day. I hope to give this writing thing a momentum.

That momentum bit was inspired while reading two books (Deep Work and 17 Anti-Procrastination Hacks ) which I am trying to put into practice. Hopefully with helps from medical professionals, my family, self-help books, some helpful Youtubers I can progressively recover from paranoid schizophrenia.

I want to improve a lot so I may need the cosmic universal positive energy from you that reading this. Not to forget inviting more people to join and combine our positive energy so it can resonate and help heal ourselves plus humanity.

Everyone wants to talk, but most of the time I got to talk alone like to God, while writing or anything besides human. People, even my own family can’t really cope with me. After many years I know the triggers, I avoid human contact because my speech impediment and my disorganised thoughts and emotion would cause negative effects in human interaction.

I really don’t want this blog to be filled with my psychotic ramblings, but its better than being under psychosis. If I was really mentally sick, I can’t recollect my ideas and write this because even talking can be difficult.

At least — in Malaysia — depressive person have the Befrienders service to talk to. I don’t know about help for schizophrenia except for hospitals and mental clinics.

Schizophrenics are like ‘crazy people’, if you ever end up in a mental ward you know you can’t talk to most of them. So schizophrenics mostly depends on medication, the doctors will ask you how am I doing. If there was a negative effects, they got to tweak the meds. If there was an improvement, maybe have reduced dose or like I had none, but then got into a downward spiral until they came and inject me with Fluanxol which made me into a walking zombie.

I guess my next post should be about Mental Health and Healthcare in Malaysia. I don’t know exactly how can it be compared to other countries, hope to have feedback soon because its a concern to most. My psychiatric session only cost RM1(USD$0.25) and branded Zyprexa is Free.